Scones and Sledgehammers
by ignacia437
Summary: It's an ordinary—albeit somewhat unproductive—meeting…until Germany and Italy make a horrifying discovery.


**Author's Note—So hi everyone :D This is my first official Hetalia fanfic, and I'd love it if you gave reviews. I welcome anything—praises, comments, complaints, you name it! I only ask two things—1) please keep swearing to a minimum, and 2) please give me the reason why you thought this was what you said it was. Thanks in advance—reviews not only keep me going on, they also tell me how I can make my future stories more interesting to read!  
>Also, I honestly don't mean to offend any country or any citizen of a country portrayed here. If I do offend anyone, my sincere apologies.<br>Enjoy!  
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**Disclaimer: Hetalia belongs to its rightful owners, and I do not own anything. If I did, Russia wouldn't be scaring the Baltics to the point of crying and France would make lunch every single meeting. Oh, and he wouldn't have hated England to the point of murdering—oh darn, did I just put down a spoiler…  
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><p>It was nine fifty-nine in the morning, April 17, 2008. Not a cloud appeared in the flawless sky, where the sun smiled down with a soft glow, and a gentle breeze whirled around, stirring the newly-grown leaves of the trees. Outside, the lovely scenery had a hushing effect, throwing a blanket of silence upon the world.<p>

But inside the two-story building where the World Conferences were held, all was joyful confusion. A group would first whisper and then burst into laughter. Three people would seriously discuss their politics. Russia would sit in his designated spot, with a sledgehammer concealed behind his chair, a faucet pipe leaning on it, and an innocent smile on his face. Italy would drag Germany everywhere he went, whether it was where Japan was, where France was, or where the hallway was. All was calm and all was bright.

Suddenly a distant clock struck ten. The merry collections of countries at once fell into almost total silence, but soon that was filled with noise as various countries rushed to sit down. Lithuania, in his rush, scraped his chair against the ground as he pulled it out, earning a innocent yet threatening grin from Russia. The door swung open and crashed into the wall as Germany dragged Italy back into the room.

The last chimes of the clock died away as all the countries settled in their seats. No one spoke. It was as though they were waiting for the world to end.

But all of a sudden, a merry but highly irritating laugh broke the silence. Everyone's heads spun to the front of the room, as though expecting some evil terror to be standing there. But it was only America, who apparently had just remembered something completely hilarious.

"Yes, yes, whatever," he was saying. "At least they hadn't…Hey, everyone, pay attention!" he suddenly snapped, jerking out of his reverie at once. None of the countries appeared to pay attention, but they all halted whatever chatter had still lingered after the clock struck ten.

"Here you all are…good. Before we begin, anyone who has anything irrelevant to today's topic—" here he gestured to a board "—should stand and speak right now."

The board was blank.

America frowned. "Interesting. England usually has those pictures up by this time."

China stood up and volunteered, "May I—"

"No!" a chorus of five voices sprang up instantly.

"If you draw anything at all," Russia said cheerfully, "I'll just bore a hole in the wall where my picture is."

All went silent for a second. There was no sound except for the birds' chirping outside and Latvia's teeth chattering.

"No, no, that's all right," Japan replied hurriedly. "Anyone else have something to say?"

Suddenly a chair banged against the ground and a loud voice shouted, "Will we be having pasta for—"

"Shut up, Italy!" Germany muttered, shoving Italy back into his seat.

"No, we won't," America declared. "We'll be having…what are we having for lunch again?" he muttered to France.

"Someone had to make it, I think," Spain noted.

"Now when did we decide _that_?" France wondered.

"Last meeting, remember?" Switzerland said.

"Well, anyhow, it most certainly is not any of _my_ delicious French food today," France sniffed.

"Well, then, who brought lunch?" Austria asked.

"There's no point in coming here if you didn't make a good lunch," Spain pointed out halfheartedly.

"There's no point in coming here if you didn't make pasta," Italy happily added.

Germany groaned.

"If whoever made lunch doesn't stand up right now, I'm going to—" began Russia.

As Russia spoke, a little fly flew off the window and began buzzing around Estonia's head. Latvia made a face and began swatting at it, but the moment he saw Russia's face turn his way, he hurriedly dropped back on his seat, jabbing Lithuania in the side by mistake. Lithuania suddenly was taken with a fit of coughing, earning him another innocent little smile.

"I'm—I'm sorry!" he stammered, glancing first at Russia's smiling face and then at the table and then back again. "I—I didn't mean—to—to—"

"If whoever made lunch does not rise now," Russia continued, merrily ignoring Lithuania's pleas, "I am going to bore a hole through them with this sledgehammer behind me."

"It wasn't me!" Lithuania practically sobbed. "It wasn't!"

America impatiently drummed the table. "Well? Who made lunch today?"

"And whoever didn't make a good lunch will be shown the true Italian fighting spirit!" Italy cried, reaching for his breast pocket.

"Not again," complained Germany.

"Well, who brought it?" America insisted.

Italy suddenly shrieked, "I lost it!"

"Lost what?" China asked.

"His white flag," replied Germany.

"Where is it? _Where is it?_" Italy shrieked, jumping up and flying towards the door.

Germany instantly jumped up, kicking the chair back and running after Italy. "Wait!" he shouted. "Don't run from meetings like that! Do you hear, Italy? Do you hear me?"

Japan sighed.

"Wait!" France cried, standing up.

"_What?"_ America nearly shouted, evidently quite exasperated.

"Do you hear?" Germany's voice still sounded faintly.

"We have the correct number of people, but there's one empty chair!" France pointed out.

"Is there now," Switzerland muttered.

"You hear me, Italy?" Germany's voice again sounded.

"Wait, there is," China noted.

"Wait, is there?"

"Italy! You hear me?" Germany's voice once again said.

"There is!"

"Infiltrator!"

One by one, the countries came to this abrupt realization. One would think everyone would have remained in control. And actually, they did. Under the condition that "everyone" consisted of America, Russia, Greece, and Japan.

"All right, all right," America yelled, trying to be heard above the newfound commotion. "Everyone count off!"

"What?" someone yelled.

"Count off!" America repeated, but he was clearly growing tired of this. "One!"

"What?" someone else yelled.

"_Who's two?"_ America demanded, smacking the table. Everyone was jerked into silence.

"Well, who's two?" he continued to demand.

No one said two.

"Germany's chasing Italy," Switzerland reminded America.

America nodded. "Who's three?"

No one said three.

"Italy's off looking for his white flag," Switzerland again said, sighing.

"Right," America said.

"Four!" France said.

"Six," Japan said.

"Seven!" Spain volunteered.

"Eight!" China declared.

"Nine," Switzerland said.

"Ten!" Russia smiled.

"Ele—" Finland began.

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" America rudely interrupted poor Finland, whose mouth still remained open. "Who's number five?"

Dead silence ensued for exactly four seconds. At last, a slow smile began to appear on France's lips.

All of a sudden, a scream sounded from outside the hallway.

"Italy! Italy!" they heard Germany shout in the distance.

The Baltic states paled.

"Is he all right?" wondered Switzerland.

"I don't—" began Norway.

Italy burst into the room, crying hysterically.

"What? What is it?" America demanded.

Then Germany solemnly walked into the room. America looked fairly prepared to begin scolding Italy and the Baltic states looked pretty much ready to cry, but the moment they saw the somber look on Germany's face all of them fell completely silent.

Finally, China dared to croak, "What—is it?"

Germany shook his head and said in a low voice, "Sincere apologies."

All the countries simply stared with wide eyes, save for Russia, who still wore his innocent but threatening smile.

Germany continued, "I'm sorry this had to happen."

"…What…?" America whispered.

Another dead silence ensued for precisely six seconds. Even the birds' chirping could not disturb this dreadful horror.

At last, Germany said, "England's late, but he's coming."

America sighed in relief. "Well, at least he's not—you know, been—"

"No," Germany continued.

There was a pause.

Finally Ukraine dared to ask, "Then what happened?"

A silence as still as the forest at night ensued.

At last, Germany whispered, "He made lunch today."


End file.
